Sunnah Method Of Marriage

9. Viewing The Prospective Bride

Nabi ﷺ said, “When one of you wants to propose to a woman, then if he is able to look towards (those parts of a woman) which creates desire to marry her (i.e. hands and face), then let him do so. (Abû Dâwûd)

Nabi ﷺ has allowed a person interested in getting married to a certain woman to look at her since this will create love in their hearts, and so that a person notices some physical attraction for his spouse. This does not give men the license to view ten to twenty women, and then decide on one. If one, after investigation, is interested in marrying, then only is he allowed to see her. This too should not be in solitude, since Nabî ﷺ has stated, “No strange man should be in solitude with a woman, except that a mahram be present.” (Tirmidhi)

It is not permissible for the boy and girl to sit in seclusion in a room to discuss matters. In actual fact, it is a sign of utter shamelessness that a woman audaciously speaks to a strange man in solitude. Unfortunately, the bier of shame has already left the homes of most people. Many-a-times, other male members of the boy also come to ‘view’ the girl. This is totally incorrect. How can one expect blessings in his marriage when the commands of Allâh ﷻ are broken so boldly and openly!

If the boy or girl are pleased, then they should make istikhârah. Nabî ﷺ said, “From amongst the good fortune of a person is to seek goodness from Allâh ta’ala.” (Tirmidhi) The object of istikhârah is to beg Allâh ta’ala for goodness to ensue from the choice you make. It does not mean that one will see a dream. Whatever one now feels in his heart, he should do. Inshâ-Allâh, there will be goodness therein.

Once a man sends the proposal, the woman should also make istikhârah. When Hadrat Zaynab was sent a proposal by Nabî ﷺ, she did not give an answer immediately, even though there could be no better proposal. She said, “I will consult my Rabb.” After istikhârah, Allâh ta’ala performed her nikâh to Nabî ﷺ in the heavens. Thus, even if the proposal is very suitable, a woman should make istikhârah, following in the footsteps of the noble wife of Nabî ﷺ.

Once both parties are pleased, and the woman agrees, then they are engaged. There is no special function to celebrate this. This in fact is a custom, found in Christian and Hindu societies. If one glances at the system adopted by Nabî ﷺ and the sahâbah, radiyallahu anhum, we find that as soon as both parties were pleased, the nikâh would be performed immediately.

Nabî ﷺ said, “O Alî, do not delay in three things:…..3) marriage of an unmarried person when a suitable partner has been found." (Tirmidhi)

There would be no delay and wait. Nikâh would immediately take place. For this reason, there was so much simplicity.