Sunnah Method Of Marriage

11. Summary

From all the above-mentioned incidents, it can be clearly seen how simple the marriages were in the era of Nabî ﷺ. A few points to be noted:

A) After acceptance of proposal, there was no delay in the nikâh (marriage). Rasulullâh ﷺ said, “O Alî, do not delay in three things 1) salâh when the time enters 2) the janâzah (bier) when it is ready 3) marriage of an unmarried person when a suitable partner has been found.” (Tirmidhi) After having found a partner, we should hasten in conducting the Nikah. Abu Hurairah, radiyallahu anhu, narrates that Nabi ﷺ said, “When you receive a proposal from a person who is pious and has good habits, then get your daughters married to them. If you do not do so, it will result in the spreading of evil and corruption.” (Tirmidhi)

It has become a habit in some cultures to prolong the Nikah after the engagement; thus, the boy and the girl start meeting each other, or talking to each other on the phone, or chatting online. All of these are not permissible, as an engagement is only a promise to marry and the boy and girl still remain non-mahram (strangers) to each other.

There are many harms of delaying the nikâh:

1) It is only natural that once a boy and girl are proposed, thoughts for one another are created in the mind. Since they are strangers, to volitionally bring thoughts of the other party is fornication of the mind and thoughts. How sad if one commences one’s marriage life with this form of fornication!

2) In many cases, the boy and girl meet each other, spend time in solitude with each other, or at the very least, speak to each other telephonically, many-a-time with the blessings of the parents. Fornication of the ears, eyes, hands and feet all occur before the marriage. How can one then draw Allâh ta’ala’s special mercy and derive blessings in one’s marriage?

3) Shaytân sows doubt in the heart of those to be married, especially the girl. Many times, she falls into so much confusion that she demands that her proposal be broken, thus causing anguish to both parties.

4) Delaying of nikâh is contrary to the way of our beloved Nabî ﷺ as well as his instruction to hasten with marriage.

5) When there is a lot of time before the nikâh, then there is enough time to become extravagant, invite many people, have many parties and ceremonies days before, etc. If the nikâh is performed immediately, then all these evil and unnecessary practices will terminate.

B) If for some reason, the boy and girl cannot live together immediately, then too the nikâh should be performed. The bride can then live with her husband after some time. Hadhrat Ayesha, radiyallahu anha, was only six when she accepted her proposal. Nikâh was immediately performed, even though she began living with Nabî ﷺ when she matured, three years later. Hadrat Umme Habîbah, radiyallahu anha, was in Abyssinia, when she accepted her proposal. Nabî ﷺ did not wait for her to even return to Medinah Munawwarah, but married her by appointing Najâshi to perform the nikâh on his behalf. Hadrat Safiyyâh, radiyallahu anha, was married whilst she was in a state of menses. The nikâh was performed immediately, and it was consummated after she attained purity, followed by the walimah. On - route for umratul-qadâ in the 7th year hijri, Nabî ﷺ proposed for Hadrat Maymûnah, radiyallahu anha. When the proposal was accepted, Nabî ﷺ immediately performed the nikâh even though he was in the state of ihram. After performing the umrâh, Nabî ﷺ asked for an extension so that he could consummate his marriage. This was rejected. Nabî ﷺ thus left for Madinah Munawwarah, and consummated the marriage at a place called Sarîf. Here too, Nabî ﷺ did not wait to emerge from ihram, before getting married. The nikâh took place immediately.

C) Nabî ﷺ did not wait for any special guests to arrive, nor did he make unnecessary efforts to call family members from far and wide, even though his ﷺ family (Qureish) were a very huge and respectable family. The sahâbah, radiyallahu anhum, understood this temperament of Nabî ﷺ. It is for this reason that Hadrat Abdur Rahmân ibn Awf, radiyallahu anhu, did not even inform Nabî ﷺ that he was getting married. When Nabî ﷺ saw a trace of yellow perfume on his clothing which was used on marriage occasions, Nabî ﷺ asked him what it was. Only then did he inform Nabî ﷺ that he had recently married. Nabî ﷺ did not become displeased why he was not invited, and not informed. We learn from this incident that the sahâbah were trained by Nabî ﷺ in such a way that they did not want to give him the difficulty of attending such functions. Furthermore, they did not feel it necessary to even inform him.

In this age, we find that people travel long distances wasting abundance of money to attend wedding functions. At times, ustâds (teachers) leave the great noble work of serving dîn and students shirk their lessons to be present. This is definitely exceeding the boundary of the shariah. In Islâhur-Rusûm, Hadrat Thânwi has stated, “There is no harm in inviting close relatives and friends on condition that the boundaries of the shariah are not compromised. The few nearby relatives should get together on the scheduled time without making unnecessary expenditure.” The only reason people generally attend is to show face. They fear the insults and taunts of their family members. The money wasted on the travelling costs, clothing, etc. could rather be saved up and given to the bride and bridegroom discreetly, which could be then used to buy necessities in the home, which the newly-wed couple will always appreciate. However today, no thought is given to ikhlâs (doing actions for Allâh’s pleasure) and granting benefit of others. Custom has become so ingrained in people that the right seems wrong, and the wrong appears to be right.

D) In all the nikâhs of Nabî ﷺ and the sahâbah, radiyallahu anhum, we find that there was no meal offered by the girl’s party. The wedding feast which is all too common today, is not part of an Islamic wedding. Today unfortunately, more emphasis is given to this aspect than even the walîmah, which is undoubtedly sunnah. This custom has no Islamic origin. Most likely it stems from Hindu or Christian custom, where the girl’s party feeds the boy’s party.

E.) The outstanding feature in all these marriages was simplicity. Nabî ﷺ said, “Simplicity is part of îmân.” (Abu Dâwud, Ibn Majah) Moulânâ Muhammad Yusuf Saheb (rahimahullah) said, “The foundation of the social life of Rasulullâh ﷺ is based on purity, simplicity and modesty. The social life of the Jews is based on immodesty, extravagance and luxury.” There were no honeymoons, preparations from months before, wastage in cards, halls, etc. For this reason, so much of goodness ensued from these marriages.