Sunnah Method Of Marriage

20. Etiquettes Of Spouses

The family is the nucleus of an Islamic society and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence. A healthy Muslim society depends on a sound Islamic environment. Happy couples make happy families, who make healthy societies. The union of two souls is the fiber which weaves society together. For this reason, Nabi ﷺ emphasized the importance of appropriate conduct after marriage so that it endures and becomes the ‘coolness of the eyes’, in the words of the Qur’an. A happy marriage is not made in heaven, nor does it flourish on its own. It has to be continually nurtured and preserved. Marriage can be a source of enormous tranquility, yet it can also become a root of the greatest pain, sorrow and heartbreaks. Once two people have committed themselves to each other they should move mountains in order to stay together. It takes time and effort to blend two lives. Many marriages do not last because partners take the view that if it does not work, they will simply end the marriage. This shows lack of commitment, a lack of drive and is deficient by nature. This marriage is almost doomed from the start.

Marriage is very similar to constructing a building. It requires a strong foundation that can withstand the storms and shocks of stress. The adhesive that binds couples together is love and mercy. By acting on the following guidelines, Insha-Allaah, our marriages will become more enjoyable, love will increase and we will attain success in both worlds.

1.) Always make duâ for one’s spouse and for a happy marriage.

2.) Adopt taqwa (Allâh consciousness) and be mindful of your duties to Allâh ta’ala at all times, as piety is the stepping stone to a beautiful moral and spiritual character.

3.) Create an Islamic environment at home, as this will bring peace and serenity in your lives.

4.) Do not be concerned with fulfilling your own religious duties. It is your religious and moral obligation to encourage your spouse and children towards their Islamic duties with love, wisdom and patience.

5.) Acquaint yourself with the knowledge, reality and responsibilities of marriage. Remember that marriage is not only fulfillment of carnal desires but fulfillment of responsibilities.

6.) Under no circumstances should you compel your spouse or children to obey you in any act that contravenes the commands of Allâh ta’ala. At the same time, you should not succumb to the unIslamic dictates of your spouse and children.

7.) If any problem or dispute arises in the marriage, then always turn to Allâh ta’ala for help and guidance first. If the problem persists, consult a pious experienced elder or alim for advice.

8.) Live simply. Don’t be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. Sustenance is from Allâh ta’ala. In order to inculcate contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more.

9.) Be mindful of your discussion topics. Never discuss things with others about your marriage that your spouse would not like to discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about their spouse’s physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster. Information about your intimate relations should be kept between you and your spouse.

10.) As far as possible, try to have meals together as a family. Express your appreciation, whether the cook is the husband or wife. Rasulullâh ﷺ would not complain about food put in front of him. Do not look for faults.

11.) Exchange gifts. This creates love.