Sunnah Method Of Marriage

13. Customs

Hadhrat Urwa bin Ruwaym reports that Hadhrat Abdullaah bin Qurt Thumaali, radiyallahu anhu, who was a companion of Rasulullâh ﷺ was appointed governor by Hadhrat Umar, radiyallahu anhu. He was patrolling the streets of Hims one night when he passed by a bride in front of whom people were lighting several fires. Hadhrat Abdullaah, radiyallahu anhu, started hitting the people with his whip until they all dispersed. The next morning he sat on his pulpit and after duly praising Allâh ta’ala, he said, "When Abu Jandalah, radiyallahu anhu, married Umaamah, radiyallahu anha, he prepared some handfuls of food (as a Waleemah) for (his marriage to) her. May Allaah shower His compassion on Abu Jandalah, radiyallahu anhu, and may He shower His special mercies on Umaamah, radiyallahu anha. May Allaah however curse your wedding of last night! The people were lighting fires and imitating the Kuffaar whereas Allaah has extinguished their light!"(Isâbah)

Allâh ta’ala states in Surah Hud, “And do not incline slightly to those who oppress, otherwise the Fire will touch you.” It has been mentioned by reliable commentators of the Holy Quran that those who follow and imitate the nonbelievers and transgressors in personal looks, fashion and ways of living will fall within the ambit of the warnings mentioned in the abovementioned verse. (Ma’âriful Qurân)

Rasulullâh ﷺ said, “Whoever imitates a nation, will be regarded as one of them.” (Abû Dâwûd) Under the explanation of the abovementioned Hadith, it has been mentioned that whosoever imitates or replicates the clothing, etc. of the non-Mulims, or those Muslims who transgress the rules of Shari’ah, will also have a share in their sins. Similarly, whosoever imitates the pious from amongst the believers, will have a share in the rewards of those pious people. (Bazlul-Majhûd)

Abdullâh ibn Abbâss, radiyallahu anhu, states that Nabî ﷺ said, “Three men incur the wrath of Allâh ta’ala.” Amongst them is a person who adopts the rites and practises of the pagans. (Bukhârî)

Rasulullâh ﷺ said, “Whoever loves my sunnah, loves me, and whoever loves me, will be with me in Jannah.” (Tirmidhi)

When it is said to them, “Follow what Allâh (ta’ala) has revealed,” they say, “Nay! We shall follow the ways of our fathers. What! Even though their fathers were void of wisdom and guidance.” (Baqarah 170)

In the book, az-Zawâjir ‘an Iqtirâf al-Kabâ’ir, ‘Allâmah Ibn Hajar Makkî Haythamî (rahimahullah) quotes a hadîth from Mâlik ibn Dînâr (rahimahullah) with regard to a revelation which Allâh ta’ala sent to a certain messenger saying: “Say to your people that they should not enter the entrances of My enemies, they should not wear the dress of My enemies, they should not ride the animals that are ridden by My enemies, and that they should not eat the food of my enemies. If not, they will become My enemies just as those are My enemies.” (Zawâjir)

The harms of following customs are:

1.) The object is to please people. The ultimate objective of our lives in this world is to please Allah ta’ala; hence, any action done to solely please the creation of Allah ta’ala is disliked in Shari’ah. Consider the following. Rasulullâh ﷺ said, “Whoever does actions so that people can hear of it, Allâh ta’ala will make apparent to the creation his lowliness and despicability.” (Bayhaqi in Shuabul-Imân)

Mulla ‘Ali Qari (Rahimahullah) explains the meaning of the abovementioned Hadith that if a person does actions to show and please other people, Allah ta’ala will make his bad habits known to everyone, and will ridicule him in this world.

Moreover, Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) resembles such actions to ascribing partners to Allah ta’ala and regards them as Shirk Khafi (a lower form of ascribing partners to Allah ta’ala).

Shaddad bin Aus was weeping one day. Thus, someone asked him as to why he was weeping. Upon this, he remarked that it is something I heard Nabi ﷺ saying; the memory of which makes me weep. He mentioned that he heard Nabi ﷺ saying, “I fear upon my ummah the lighter form of shirk and desire’. He says that upon this I asked Rasulullah ﷺ, “Will your ummah ascribe partners to Allah ta’ala after you?” Nabi ﷺ replied, “Yes; they will not worship the sun or the moon or stones or idols, but they will do actions to please others. (Bayhaqi in Shuabul-Imân)

2.) At times, people eventually begin to regard these customs as part of Islam, or they regard what is not obligatory as obligatory. If a person carries out an action thinking that it is part of Islâm, whilst it is not part of it, he will be sinful for his actions, as he has included in Islam what is not part of it. Nabi ﷺ said, “Whosoever innovates in Islam that which is not part of it, such an action is rejected and futile.” (Bukhârî)

Hence, all practices in marriages that people regard as compulsory or give it the importance of a compulsory act of Shari’ah, will be considered impermissible in Shari’ah.