Sunnah Method Of Marriage

18. Actions After Marriage

(1.) The bridegroom should place his hand on the fore-head (by the forelocks) of the bride, take the name of Allâh ta’ala and make dûa of barakah (blessings) for the bride. Nabi ﷺ had said, “When any of you get married, then he should place his hands on the forehead, take the name of Allâh, and make duâ for goodness by saying,
“O Allâh! I ask you for her goodness and the goodness of that which You have placed in her. I seek Your protection from her harm and the harm of that which You have placed in her.” (Bukhâri, Abû Dâwûd)

(2.) The bride and bridegroom should perform some rakats of nafl (optional) salâh, and then make duâ of goodness and blessings. (Abu Nuaym in Hilyah)

(3.) The bridegroom should speak to his bride and should offer her something to eat or drink. When Nabi ﷺ went to Hadhrat Ayesha, radiyallahu anha, he brought one container of milk. He drank from there and then gave her. She lowered her head due to shame and modesty. Without doubt, this is a beautiful way of removing her fear and a cause of strengthening the bond of love and affection between the two. A famous saying is that a kind of fear comes with every oncoming person, and fear overcomes every strange person.

(4.) An etiquette of sexual intercourse is that the male and female should not be completely naked. Nabi ﷺ has stated, “Verily Allâh ta’âlâ is full of modesty and concealment, He loves modesty and concealment.” (Ahmad, Tirmidhi) Nabi ﷺ also said, “Beware of becoming naked, since there are with you those angels who do not separate from you except at the time of sexual relations and relieving oneself. Therefore, be modest in front of them and honor them.” (Tirmidhi) This means that husband and wife should be covered by some sheet even though their clothing are removed.

(5.) Another etiquette is that the man should first kiss and fondle her. Nabi ﷺ said, “None of you should fall onto his wife like an animal. First there should be some messenger. “It was asked, “O Rasûl of Allâh (ﷺ), what is the messenger?” Nabi ﷺ replied, “Speaking and kissing.” (Musnad Firdaws of Daylami)

Based on this hadîth, Imâm Ghazâli, rahimahullah, writes in his book Ihyâul-ulûm that when the husband fulfills his desire, then he should grant her the opportunity to complete her enjoyment. At times, it takes woman time to ejaculate. Therefore, if he moves away immediately, it can become a cause of causing harm to her. It can even lead to disgust and hatred.

(6.) Before intercourse, this duâ should be recited: In the name of Allâh, O Allâh, protect us from shaytân and keep shaytân away from the children that you will grant us. (Bukhâri)
If Allâh Ta’âlâ has decreed children due to this union, they will be saved from the influence of shaytân.

(7.) A man may have intercourse with his wife in any manner provided it is through the vagina. Allâh ta’âlâ has mentioned,
“Your wives are a tillage for you, thus go to your farms from wherever you want.” (Baqarah) This means that a person could have vaginal intercourse with his wife in whichever manner he wants, either from in front of her, behind her or lying on the side.

(8.) If after having intercourse once, there is a desire to have it a second time, then it is mustahab (commendable) to first make wudhu. This will increase pleasure and desire. Nabi ﷺ has mentioned, “When any person has had intercourse with his wife, and desires to have a second time, then he should perform wudhu, because by making wudhu there is more pleasure.” (Abû Dâwûd) If between two sessions, ghusl (bath) is performed, then this is much better as is proven in a hadîth.

(9.) It is better for both to have ghusl as soon as possible. If due to tiredness, one cannot perform ghusl before sleeping, then it is mustahab (commendable) to at least perform wudhu before sleeping. This was the practice of Nabi ﷺ as narrated by Hadhrat Ayesha, radiyallahu anha. (Abû Dâwûd)